OK GOD, WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!!????!!!!

Alright, I am NOT going into this prayer with the right attitude, am I?

But I really, really need a *sign*. I desperately need you to shout into my ear, erect a billboard. Something - anything LORD.

Ok, so I am free of the day-to-day with my oppressive, atheistic, abusive husband (never free entirely as we share children) but although it has been over 2 years, I still have not found a church, I still do not pray regularly with my children - only sporadically. And I have had illness after illness or so it seems to me. I have gained mucho weight, sometimes either indulge the kids too much or scold them too quickly, and generally feel pretty crappy about myself.

I think that I am "pouting" symbolically, and I don't like that thats how I am dealing with life - for I truly believe that life is a gift to be cherished.

In my perfect image of me: Ha ha,
I am svelte: (ie) takin' care of the temple. yeah!
I belong to a church or at least a homestudy sort of church group.
And I am a better mother and employee (more professional) than ever before.

Yeah,... I suppose that '08 will be a time to take stock, congratulate myself where warranted, and buck-it-up where needed too.

So until then, I think I'll do my 20min cardio/day, indulge in brandy-beans occasionally, and call my best girlfriend for support. God will do the rest right?

Yet, I still despair. I want to hear His voice.